Time to Say Goodbye

Dear Readers,

I didn’t want this blog to be like others I have seen, fallen away in a cobwebbed corner of the Internet, appearing abandoned, lost and forgotten, as their authors moved on to new projects. It has given me too much to share that fate, but it is time to say goodbye.

Dreaming of the Temple was just that. A way to reflect upon, and find healing from, past experiences, and, from there, form a platform for the future. I have now been to the temple, started a family and received the opportunity to pursue further study. The dreams represented by this blog have been fulfilled, I have  been blessed, and therefore must pursue a new challenge.

I am unable to express the gratitude I feel for the time you have spent reading and the support you have given me through this blog.

As as someone who has massive issues with technology (it’s like we are allergic to each other) this has been an incredible adventure. Thank you for accompanying me through this search for healing.

Whilst I am not, and most likely never will be, completely unburdened by mental illness, the past year has provided the understanding, reflection and acceptence for me to leap forward into a new chapter of my existence.

I truly don’t know what this next chapter will be, I have been involved in some incredible projects and more may follow, but I have the distinct impression that this, sadly, is not one of them.

Becoming a mother at the end of last year has given me a new perspective, altered the form of my mental illness and changed my priorities. Whilst blogging has been a great hobby, I don’t feel it is part of our future.

Perhaps we will meet again on a blog far, far away. Until then, I hope you too find internal peace and healing.

 

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Thank You!

A huge thank you to everyone who has continued to engage with my blog this year! It means so much to me and I really enjoy hearing from you. Thank you for sharing your stories and experiences with me.

Many have begun to engage with me via Facebook and so, as it is a time for trying new things after all, I thought I would share Dreaming of the Temple’s page here so you can find it more easily.

Here everything is a little less formal, more relaxed and hopefully a great space to engage with me and one another.

It features links and alerts to the latest content, is more personal and shares topical snippets relating to my passions; mental health and motherhood.

I look forward to seeing you there!

A Note To Wednesday

Wednesday was all about the emotions of feeding infants and how intense society is about it.

As an exclusively expressing mama (we’ll delve into all of that in due course) I quite often feel like neither fish nor foul.

The question is always posed as breast or bottle, and I’m sitting thinking it’s breast IN a bottle…

Does that still count? Does the mode of delivery matter?

The answer (because I did indeed ask this at my 6 week check) is YES.

What the various eyes in the waiting room don’t realise is that the medical professionals who ask that question are interested to know whether you as mum are still producing milk (as it has different implications for your breast tissue and hormone levels) and exactly what baby is receiving in case any health concerns arise as it could be allergies and so forth.

That’s the end of it. No opinion required.

Fed is best.

No one else should be asking.

Baby Blues

So no prepared post this Monday sadly, due to a weekend of a potential postnatal depression.

I have been feeling really strong since the birth and actually didn’t get the usual weepiness attributed to Day 3 when milk typically comes in.

However, my anxiety kicked off again on Saturday and last night I felt so low.

I didn’t feel anything. I didn’t feel tired as is typical of new parents, I just felt numb.

I had to force myself to express as I just couldn’t be bothered and I feel terrible to confess that there were a few hours where I didn’t feel anything for my baby either.

I hope you will bear with me though as I have some posts in the pipeline; risk taking, expanding your comfort zone and a sonnet challenge!

Breast-pumping Blues

Whir clack
Whir clack
The pump churns out its rhythm

Stretch slack
Stretch slack
My breasts worked by the system

Perusing the dream
Keep mining the seam
Of milk the colour of cream

Blogging Milestones

Welcome to 2019! 

I’ve been posting a lot about New Year and the associated resolutions this month and it seems appropriate to outline my blogging aspirations for this year.

Firstly, thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read, like and comment on my posts. When I created this blog a year ago it was purely personal and I couldn’t imagine anyone reading it, let alone engaging with the content. Thank you!

I considered quitting so many times over the past year, and it has been a big lesson in perseverance which has aided my recovery and stimulated my mental well-being.

Now, I want to move forward.

All posts providing blogging advice emphasise consistency in producing material. This blog has had neither consistency of content or regular posting.

I have very much been learning whilst doing with this blog (having a lot of fun!) and it has taken a long time finding its feet. I outlined in my Dreaming of the Temple posts the initial ideas and expanse of topics I was considering exploring. In my very first post, I described my approach to blogging as ‘talking to myself’ and to be honest that isn’t going to change.

What will be different this year is that I have refined my content. I have 3 main areas that I enjoy posting about: mental health (which I am particularly passionate about and it the primary focus of the blog) accompanied by lifestyle and creative writing.

Those of you who have been following my blog since the beginning know that this year I am intending to return to university for postgraduate study. Last year, blogging helped me gain the confidence to apply for my masters and practice writing. This year, I’m looking to get back into the habit of deadlines. So the intention is to have a much more regular posting schedule, requiring me to create worthwhile content following a reliable timeline. The practice is especially required with the new arrival. Study, research and work with a new baby requires juggling, extreme time management and a flexible, yet diligent schedule.

 

 

 

 

New Year: A Time for Reflection

Three years have passed between New Year 2016 and New Year 2019. These were the last time I felt strong in myself and confidently optimistic about my ability to strive into the year ahead, and the first time since.

Three years ago, I simply couldn’t imagine being where I am now. Given my recent trauma (little did I know there were still two cases of harassment to follow) I had certainly written off any possibility of getting married, buying a house was far from my mind and children seemed a dream away.

New Year 2016 was just before I hit rock bottom, the eye of the storm as I rallied from abuse and assault before plunging into deep depression just a month later.

The Power of Hindsight 

That same month I met my husband and, as I have said before, without his intervention I hate to think what might have been the outcome.

The sound advice given to mental health suffers is to NOT make any life changing decisions.

However:

I was suicidal and got married

Bought a house whilst struggling with depression

Had anxiety and had a baby

None of these actions where taken lightly, a lot of consideration went into each and a lot of love, peace and healing was gained.

I have been incredibly blessed.