I recently found out that I am expecting. The pregnancy is planned and we are delighted. I am not very far along but I have already noticed a positive change in myself.
Last night I was at a work meeting and I found myself to be more comfortable in my own skin and joining in discussion.
I am not shy about sharing my thoughts but usually I agonise over it; analysing every word and response, dissecting the details of tone, body language and expression.
It wasn’t until I was on the train home that I realised that I had an increased certainty about my ideas and more contentment in my existence. I no longer felt like an impostor, like I was taking up someone else’s space.
Usually, I am sitting intimidated by the knowledge and experience of my colleagues. Last night, although I was impressed and filled with respect for the things that they knew and I did not, I was aware that I too had knowledge.
The only thing that has changed is that four days ago I learned that I am expecting. I don’t know where this confidence has come from, I don’t know if it will last, but for an individual who has spent a large portion of her preconception preparation aware of her mental health and concerned of the possibility of developing ante- or postnatal depression because of my medical history, I am intrigued to see how I emotionally develop as my child develops inside me.